April 2012
2 posts
2 tags
Why don't you dig a hole and die in it. Fuck it.
March 2012
11 posts
Playing With Telemarketers
I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.
ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.
ME: Is this AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: This is AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: Is this AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?
ME: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
ME: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
ME: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
ME: The phone company.
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
ME: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
ME: 7 days a week.?
AT&T: That's right.
ME: 365 days a year.?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
ME: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
ME: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
ME: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for
ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.
SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?
ME: Yeah.
SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
ME: Is This A T &T?
SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be Careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
ME: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.?
ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family" thing because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
AT&T: *click*
Hey Theodore Roosevelt, remember that time someone...
timelordonbakerstreet:
gertrudesnipples:
Theodore Roosevelt, October 27, 1858 – January 6, 1919
“Death had to take him sleeping, for if Roosevelt had been awake there would have been a fight.”
Original Badass.
Well, it’s not longer on this day in 1919, but still. TR. Awesome.
February 2012
2 posts
Age of Reason: A Bag of Nails →
ageofreason:
Once upon a time there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail in the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. He…
2 tags
January 2012
16 posts
2 tags
1 tag
seealegs:
Safe and Sound-Taylor Swift
favorite...
December 2011
10 posts
When I accidentally hit my pet. →
wowfunniestposts:
First, I’m like:
And then, I run after him like:
FOLLOW Wow Funniest Posts
1 tag
1 tag
Sometimes the ignorance of people leads to the...
I’m having trouble dealing with this. Soon to sleep and oblivion.
3 tags
November 2011
10 posts
2 tags
1 tag
1 tag
5 tags
Watchin-cups-of-coffee:
briannnguyenn:
christygoesrawr:
brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnc:
zuok:
romanorgasm:
almostacquiredsanity:
maragidyne:
karrissarella:
witchyhowl:
sconequeen:
moonghost:
she’s like a fucking disney princess
i kept expecting her to burst into song
WHAT IS AIR?
….OMG. I BET SHE LITERALLY SHITS RAINBOWS.
I really hope this was just a comedic sketch...
3 tags
6 tags
3 tags
“Souvent une fausse joie vaut mieux qu’une tristesse dont la cause est...”
– René Descartes
“You cannot save people. You can only love them.”
– Anaïs Nin (via causeandcure)